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A Streetcar Named Marge

simpsons_couchI'm allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?* Bart, with $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show

Hi. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Some Confidence, Stupid!" Last night's "Itchy and Scratchy Show" was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world. Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that's a *really* useful invention!

Natural Born Kissers

simpsons_couchBart, with $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! Ahoy hoy? Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that's a *really* useful invention! I didn't get rich by signing checks. You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity. Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.

  1. What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.
  2. Please do not offer my god a peanut.
  3. Fire can be our friend; whether it's toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.
  4. Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?
Duffless

I can't go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who's been screwing with this thing? Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2. Dad didn't leave… When he comes back from the store, he's going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face! Save me, Jeebus.